Posts Tagged Funny Jokes
Only Four Parachutes
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 26th, 2009
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
“Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!” With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, “Gentlemen, I am the world’s smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world’s smartest man should have a parachute, too.” He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. “My son,” he said, “I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”
The hippie smiled slowly and said, “Hey, don’t worry, pop. Mellow out…. The world’s smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.”
World Records for Midgets
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 25th, 2009
One day three midgets decided they wanted to be in the record books.
The first one says “I have pretty short arms”, so he goes and succeeds.
The second one says “I have pretty short legs,” so he goes and succeeds.
The third one says “I have a very small penis,” and when he comes back he asks, “Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?”
Sick Man Visits the Doctor
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 24th, 2009
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up.
Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
The doctor interrupts, “Nine…”
Redneck MySpace Comments
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 23rd, 2009
So once again that damnable bastard of a Blakk Frogg has pissed into the wind and ruined another pair of shoes… and at the same time created a new Redneck MySpace Comments site. Can you blame him? Some of the shit Rednecks do would make a damn DEAD man laugh!
Plenty more Redneck MySpace Comments at where? Yo granpappy’s trailer!
No, you silly (ugly) goose. . . . More redneck myspace comments HERE.
Applying for a Job
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 22nd, 2009
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out the application, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his credentials and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”
Tasteless Michael Jackson Joke
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 21st, 2009
Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says “Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?”
The Doctor says, “At least wait till he is walking, Michael!!”
Junior Got His Driver License
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 20th, 2009
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man.
“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”
Adult Sex Jokes
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 19th, 2009
Q. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A. 45 minutes.
Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don’t have eyes.
Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments
Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don’t have balls to scratch!
Please Paint the Porch
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 18th, 2009
A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.”
The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal.”
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.”
The hobo says, “Thank you very much, sir. But there’s something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porsche you got there. It’s a BMW.”
Sex Jokes for Adults
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on August 17th, 2009
Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw.
Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments
Q. What’s the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A. 45 pounds.
