True Love Lasts… FOREVER
If you ever wondered what the most beautiful picture of True, Everlasting Love looked like, well, Blakk Frogg thinks he may have found it:
What Does Everlasting Love REALLY Look Like?
Blakk Frogg says, “If you must die during a moment of passion, and not one by yourself, have the courtesy to let the other person get on top first!”
Laughing at Other People’s Farts
While some of you may have looked at the title of this post and thought, “Oh, Frogg, that’s ridiculous! Why would a grown man or woman ever DO such a thing?!?”
Frogg’s answer: Because, as George Carlin (RIP) said, “FARTS ARE FUNNY!”
At least the sounds associated with them. The noxious, repulsive, toxic, and occasionally suffocating odors associated with them on the other hand, no one with a sense of smell laughs at THOSE.
No Laughing at Other People’s Farts?
So the next time some old man rips a dinosaur blast two stalls down, do not hesitate to laugh. Just remember that the more you laugh, the more air tainted with fossil fart fumes you will have to take in immediately afterward.
Thinking About Your Ex
As we get older thoughts about our past ex-lovers almost always cross our minds and sometimes we find ourselves staring in the mirror at ourselves and asking, “Seriously? Why in the HELL did I ever date THAT bitch/bastard?!?!?”
Then, like a bolt of lightning up our ass, we realize just how wasted we got for every waking moment of the relationship. Beer after beer, shot after shot, and ‘questionable substance’ after ‘questionable substance’.
Without a doubt we could have avoided those unsavory tramps and assholes if we had used our brains… relied on common sense… laid off the hooch… put down the fifth… didn’t inhale… and more or less ‘just said NO!’
Thinking About Your Ex
As we get older thoughts about our past ex-lovers almost always cross our minds and sometimes we find ourselves staring in the mirror at ourselves and asking, “Seriously? Why in the HELL did I ever date THAT bitch/bastard?!?!?”
Then, like a bolt of lightning up our ass, we realize just how wasted we got for every waking moment of the relationship. Beer after beer, shot after shot, and ‘questionable substance’ after ‘questionable substance’.
Without a doubt we could have avoided those unsavory tramps and assholes if we had used our brains… relied on common sense… laid off the hooch… put down the fifth… didn’t inhale… and more or less ‘just said NO!’
She Got Laid on Facebook
It never ceases to amaze Blakk Frogg that people so willingly put their personal business all over the Internet in messages… and not really knowing who or if the messages can get intercepted by others intentionally or accidentally.
In this case a woman wanted to ‘thank a recent lover’ for a truly outstanding sexual encounter and tell him that he more or less had an open invitation to come back and mount her again any time he wanted. Too bad she posted the message on her wall and not in a private message or email.
On second thought, it’s AWESOME that she screwed up by announcing to the world that she screwed him!
She Got Laid on Facebook
It never ceases to amaze Blakk Frogg that people so willingly put their personal business all over the Internet in messages… and not really knowing who or if the messages can get intercepted by others intentionally or accidentally.
In this case a woman wanted to ‘thank a recent lover’ for a truly outstanding sexual encounter and tell him that he more or less had an open invitation to come back and mount her again any time he wanted. Too bad she posted the message on her wall and not in a private message or email.
On second thought, it’s AWESOME that she screwed up by announcing to the world that she screwed him!
Wife Wishes for a Hot Husband… and Gets One
The tradition of the Birthday Boy of Girl making a wish while blowing out the candles has always bothered Blakk Frogg… because while the person blew out the candles he found himself making a wish at the same time.
Blakk Frogg wished (and hoped) the person didn’t tuberculosis or some other health-related issue communicable through saliva.
“What piece of cake would you like?” asked the Birthday Boy/Girl. “One with the least amount of spittle on it, please,” replied Blakk Frogg.
Getting to the point of this posting, though, when making a wish over birthday candles like the wife in the picture below, be careful what you wish for!
Pop Quiz: Who remembers the Wishmaster series of movies?
Redneck Fire Alarm… Now With Extra Butter!
Never did Blakk Frogg ever think he’d find himself saying, “Hmmm… The site of my house burning down sure does make me want some popcorn right about now. Oh wait! I can eat the fire alarm! How convenient!”
And with that thought Blakk Frogg has now confirmed that he apparently does does not fit the description of a redneck. At least not according to THIS picture:
Redneck Fire Alarm… Now With Extra Butter!
Never did Blakk Frogg ever think he’d find himself saying, “Hmmm… The site of my house burning down sure does make me want some popcorn right about now. Oh wait! I can eat the fire alarm! How convenient!”
And with that thought Blakk Frogg has now confirmed that he apparently does does not fit the description of a redneck. At least not according to THIS picture:
Tattoo on His Privates
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?” Larry replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”
“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates!” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
Larry is recovering in room 232 at Mercy Hospital.
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