Funny Pictures & Jokes

Wife Makes Hubby Happy and Sad at Same Time

Blakk Frogg — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:03:42 +0000

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, “I bet you can’t tell me something to make me happy and sad at the same time.”

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, “Your pecker is bigger than your brother’s …”

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Dirty Feet Fetish. Really? WTF?

Blakk Frogg — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:02:49 +0000

OK, well Blakk Frogg cannot understand some things, and this whole dirty feet fetish thing really confuses him. He recently saw pics of Kira Eggers and Jacklyn Lick on the Girls for MySpace project and man-oh-man did those girls have some seriously dirty feet!

Two Girls With Really Dirty Feet. WTF?

At first things looked relatively ‘normal’ for pics of two good lookin’ gals in bikinis… but just watch as the camera zooms in closer… and the dark stains on the soles of their feet get more and more noticeable.

Cute Girls With Dirty Feet. WTF?

Quite honestly, the girl on the left looks like she may have stepped in some form of toxic waste on her way to the photoshoot…. and finally:

Filthy Feet on Attractive Girls… a Turn on? Really?

Without a doubt, folks, the pair of grungy feet on the left makes Blakk Frogg kinda’ queasy.

So… Do people REALLY get turned on by images of filthy, dirt-stained feet? The idea repulsed Blakk Frogg, but hey, who is he to judge the likes and dislikes of others, right?

Died of Gonorrhea

Blakk Frogg — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:03:35 +0000

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea.

Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.”

Replied the widow, “Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the really big shit that he really was.”

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Get more great jokes and funny sh…..tuff at Simply Frogg… and don’t forget to wash behind your ears!

Pissing and Moaning?

Blakk Frogg — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:17:15 +0000

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.

The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Thought you’d like to know.

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Cocaine… Your Kids WILL Find It!

Blakk Frogg — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:18:21 +0000

For those of you with a drug problem and children at home, don’t let this happen to you! Hide your drugs in more appropriate places!

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Finish What You Start — Stress Relief

Blakk Frogg — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:51:00 +0000

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished; so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptions, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum, u luvum!!

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That Time of the Month?

Blakk Frogg — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 13:47:11 +0000

Time of the month, eh? I’d say the moon must have entered a new phase because TWICE now in just over a week I’ve had to LOCK MY BRAKES because a female driver failed to recognize and/or acknowledge a 3,000 pound vehicle driving down the road she wanted to enter.

Last week a puff of white hair and knuckles pulled out of a driveway at 3 mph in her boat of a car, drove 30 feet down the road, and turned into another driveway. My speed had to go from 64’ish to under 20 in a very, very, short period of time. Needed the ‘ole lock and turn maneuver to avoid her – and she never even noticed it happened.

This morning I almost had the pleasure of exchanging phone numbers with a young (probably) trailer park chick in what looked like a blue cavalier with a bad aftermarket paint job. Apparently her driving instructor failed to mention that if stopped at a FLASHING RED LIGHT and the vehicle across from her has not, yet, moved… that she ought to take a good look to her left and right because the other driver might see ANOTHER VEHICLE WITH THE RIGHT OF WAY bearing down on that intersection. I got a twinge in my spine that told me to slow down a bit as I got closer to the intersection and I sit here now to TESTIFY that knocking those few mph off of my speed kept my fully brake locked vehicle from T-boning the dog snot out of that bad driving [insert ‘b’ word here] who never even acknowledged that she had come less than a few feet from getting my phone number and a most definitely a fast-paced trip to the hospital in a bone box.

Now before any of you females out there get all upset and emotional because you believe I have unfairly taken aim at woman drivers, don’t think for a minute that I care right now because I came THIS CLOSE to getting in completely unnecessary car wrecks because of two female drivers in under two weeks.

Tonight I’ll probably get run off the road by some drunk, unemployed GUY in a tricked out golf cart so in the end the gender issue will sort itself out and balance will get restored in my world view.

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Note: Today’s rant courtesy of Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog. So deal with it!

Little Joe Wants a New Bicycle

Blakk Frogg — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 08:37:07 +0000

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it right now.”

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Joe told him; “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.”

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The $1.00 Golf Resort

Blakk Frogg — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 08:37:07 +0000

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!

The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees: Golf: $1.00 Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00. He hits the ceiling!

Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure – that’s what our golf balls cost.”

“Well,” said the man, “If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”

“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls.”

Old Man Gets a New Friend

Blakk Frogg — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 08:37:07 +0000

An older guy was somewhat lonely and decided he needed a pet to keep him company. So, off to the pet shop he went. He searched and searched but none of the pets seemed to catch his interest… except for this ugly frog. As he walked by the jar it was in, he looked and it winked at him.

It whispered, “I’m so lonely, too. Buy me and take me home with you. You won’t ever be lonely again.”

The old guy figured, what the heck… He hadn’t found anything else. So, he bought the frog and he placed it in the car on the front seat beside him.

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As he was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to him, “Kiss me and you won’t be sorry.”

So the old guy figured, what the heck, and kissed the frog.

Immediately The frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, beautiful princess.

The princess then returned the old man’s kiss.

Suddenly, the old guy felt himself changing from her kiss.

Can you guess what he turned into?

C’mon…. Be a sport. Take a guess.

He turned into…

The first motel he could find!

He’s old…. not DEAD!