Archive for category Gross
Moments of Joy at the Urinal — STOP!
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Blakk Frogg Speaks, Gross, Humor, Sarcastic on November 9, 2009
OK, this got on Blakk Frogg‘s nerves last night.
Why do some guys feel the need to grunt, groan, sigh loudly and/or say, “Ohhhhhhh…..? Whew. Oh boy this feels good” while using the urinal in a public restroom? Do they think anyone CARES to hear that sort of thing?
Better question: Do they do that at home as well or do they save those special performances for public outings?
So fellas, if you fall into the category of ‘Dipshits Who Do That’, please STOP.
No one cares about or wants to share in your moments of personal joy at the urinal.
Midget Wants to Inspect a Horse
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Funny Jokes, Gross, Humor, Jokes, Sex Joke on October 25, 2009
Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.
Sam asks “How will I recognize him?”
“That’s easy… He’s a midget with a speech impediment.”
So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse. “A female horth.”
So he shows him a prized filly.
“Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth”?
Sam picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.
“Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth”? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.
“Nith earzth, can I see her mouf”?
The rancher is gettin’ pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nice mouf, can I see her twat”?
Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
“Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?”
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The Alcoholic Alphabet
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Adult MySpace Comments, Alcohol, Beer, Blakk Frogg Speaks, Drinking, Gross, Humor, Jokes, Sarcastic on October 17, 2009
Blakk Frogg received a version of the ‘alcoholic alphabet’ in an email earlier today and found it a little too…. bland. Therefore he added a few things quickly and re-posted it here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
A – Alcohol: The key to surviving college, office holiday parties, weddings/funerals of relatives on the other side of your family and to some extent family reunions
B – Beer: Considered the most disgusting alcohol of all by many, but great for chugging and admit it, folks: the taste DOES grow on you after your first funnel
C – Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after a Thursday night party and also the thing you no longer have once the fifth shot of Jose Cuervo kicks in
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D – Dancing: A favorite pasttime of almost every drunk; usually looks pathetic and involves excessive spin moves, twirls, arm flailing and erratic head jerking motions
E – Emergency: The keg has run dry and you have no one over 21 in your drinking party OR you live in a state where they do not sell alcohol on Sundays
F – Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet or small shrub puking your guts out and crying to the Heavens to make the world stop rotating so damned fast
G – Games: Anything that involves cards, dice, chugging beers and making fun of other people because they happen to puke… before you do
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H – Hangover: Reminds you of how great last night was, how much you drank last night, and why you have only a handful of loose change left in your pocket despite having cashed your paycheck yesterday afternoon
I – Idiot: The guy that spilled his beer on you and everyone else at the party and tried to wash his hands in the fish tank
J – Jail: Where you’ll end up after trying to use a fake ID that expired two years ago or stagger home through the back parking lot of the local police station
K – Kissing: What you’ll do to anything that moves after 15 beers… including the floor if not careful
L – Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving alcohol and the Person you ask not to let you hook up with anything TOO ugly after drinking five shots of Jager
M – Money: That which you no longer have due to too much partying and paying your friends not to tell anyone about sasquatch you hooked up last Friday night
N – Not Again!: What you scream when you wake up beside someone you don’t know, hope you didn’t sleep with, and hope to God you can avoid waking up while sneaking out of his or house/apartment/room
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O – Ouch: What you say while falling on your ass when you’re trying to walk home OR what you say when a friend announces he/she will go home with a hideous companion
P – Pee: What you have to do every five minutes while you’re drinking beer and also the thing that bonds and unites all females at the party and causes them to take group field trips to the rest room all the time
Q – Quilt: What you puked on last night in bed and have to clean in the morning… because you hooked up with a lard ass whose also drunken ass didn’t get out of the way so you could make it to the bathroom in time. Stupid lard ass shoulda’ moved
R – Reform: What you promise God you will do while you’re puking in the toilet or inthe back of your friend’s new car because… the window didn’t go down in time. Stupid window
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S – Sex: What you TRIED to do with that person you met last night while you were drunk… but passed out face down in her panties (or his boxers) instead
T – Ten: The number of beers it takes ME to realize there are only two beers left in the 12-pack and that I need to go to the store ASAP
U – Underage: Most of the drinking population at college bars
V – Vodka: The mother of all alcohols because it mixes with pretty much ANYthing and allows inexperienced drinkers to get drunk in less than an hour
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W – Worm: The part of Tequila that reminds you of Biology class tomorrow
X – X-Ray: How they can see into your belly before they force a chalk milkshake down your throat and pump your stomach
Y – Yourself: The one who drinks WAY TOO MUCH every weekend and STILL denies that you have ever done all those horrible things that your friend so kindly recorded with his new cellphone camera… Stupid cellphone cameras
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Z – Zoned out: What you will be after drinking for 12 hours straight and not eating
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Diarrhea and Ghosts?
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Adult MySpace Comments, Funny Jokes, Gross, Humor, Jokes on October 13, 2009
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”
The drunk, still staring down replied: “I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”
How To Make ‘Authentic’ Crispy Asian Chicken
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Pictures, Gross, Humor, MySpace Comments, Sarcastic on September 30, 2009
The following chain of pictures which will detail the painstaking process (in reverse) by which even a total loser in the kitchen can prepare the super-succulent and ever-popular Chinese Food dish known as Crispy Asian Chicken.
Warning: Images reveal trade secrets that may offend some readers — and give others some great ideas on how to cut down on food expenses at the grocery store each week!
After 50 Years of Marriage
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Adult MySpace Comments, Funny Jokes, Funny Pictures, Gross, Humor, Jokes, Sarcastic, Sex Joke on June 7, 2009
Someday Blakk Frogg will find himself sitting across the table from his beloved wife, if he ever gets one, and have this exact same conversation. Scary, but true.
An elderly couple was sitting at the kitchen table on the morning of their 50th Wedding Anniversary.
“You know,” she said, “we were probably sitting in the kitchen across from each other 50 years ago.”
“Yeah,” he said, “but we were probably naked.”
“So let’s get naked now,” she suggested.
So they both took off all their clothes and sat across from each other.
“You know,” she said smiling lovingly, “my breasts feel just as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.”
He replied, “I’m sure they are – one is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”
Big Nuts for Your Mouth
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Adult MySpace Comments, Blakk Frogg Speaks, Funny Pictures, Gross, Humor, MySpace Comments, Sarcastic on May 30, 2009
You can now ‘safely’ ask a woman if she likes the taste of big nuts…
NOTE: Blakk Frogg accepts no responsibility for what happens to the dumbasses who approach a woman thinking they can ACTUALLY ask a girl if she mindsthe taste of Big Nuts.
Small Man Smothered by Big Girl in Bed
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Adult MySpace Comments, Blakk Frogg Speaks, Funny Pictures, Gross, Humor, MySpace Comments, Sarcastic on May 22, 2009
There exists a faction of fellas who adore the big girls. They say things like, “More cushion for the pushin’” and “There’s just more to love.” OK. Fine. We get that point… but at what point does the girl become too big even for THOSE guys, huh?
Where do they draw the line?
Just… Wow. Does anyone besides Blakk Frogg feel like throwing up all over their keyboard right now ‘cuz if not, you may already have had a heart attack from shock and died.
Getting Older Sucks
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Gross, Humor, Jokes, Sarcastic on May 15, 2009
Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year -old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing, too?” asked the 60-year old.
“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”
“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
Exasperated, the 60-year- old said, “You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”
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Zombie Killing Ain’t a Crime
Bad Cemetery Humor
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Adult Humor, Adult MySpace Comments, Funny Jokes, Gross, Humor, Jokes on November 1, 2009
I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone.
I said “Morning.”
He said, “No, just taking a shit.”
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