Drinking
If Quality of My Life Goes Down…
Last night, my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’ [...]
Sexy New Game at Neighborhood Swinger Party
One Monday morning, Roy, the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Bob, looks like [...]
Do Gas Additives Really Improve Gas Mileage?
So… Do gasoline additives really help make cars drive a bit further on a tank of gas? After some research we have determined that some do, and some don’t. We all want to know how we can stretch our gasoline budget just a little further, right? Of course we do! With gas prices clearly over [...]
Drunk Goes Home to His Angry Wife
Two buddies, George and Terry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Terry throws up all over himself. “Oh, no. Now Carolyn will kill me!” George says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell Carolyn that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for [...]
Thinking About Your Ex
As we get older thoughts about our past ex-lovers almost always cross our minds and sometimes we find ourselves staring in the mirror at ourselves and asking, “Seriously? Why in the HELL did I ever date THAT bitch/bastard?!?!?” Then, like a bolt of lightning up our ass, we realize just how wasted we got for [...]
Thinking About Your Ex
As we get older thoughts about our past ex-lovers almost always cross our minds and sometimes we find ourselves staring in the mirror at ourselves and asking, “Seriously? Why in the HELL did I ever date THAT bitch/bastard?!?!?” Then, like a bolt of lightning up our ass, we realize just how wasted we got for [...]
Wife Says We Cannot Afford Beer
My wife… She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and that I’d have to quit. Then I caught her spending: $65.00 on make-up, $150 for a cut & color, $30 for a manicure, $40 for a pedicure, $50 on vitamins, $300 on clothes and $600 for a gym membership. I asked how come I [...]
How Do You Play ‘Who Am I?’
One Monday morning, Roy, the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Bob, looks like [...]
Rules for Drunk Dialing
Consumption of alcohol can often lead to hours and hours of phone fun known to most of us lushes as ‘drunk dialing’. For your convenience we will now post a list of rules and guidelines one ought to follow while drunk dialing. 1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement. [...]
Wife Makes Hubby Happy and Sad at Same Time
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, “I bet you can’t tell me something to make me happy and sad at the same time.” The wife thought for a few moments, then said, “Your pecker is bigger than your brother’s …” Sarcastic MySpace Comments
