Archive for July, 2010
Mountain Woman Told to Bring in a Specimen
A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, “What is a specimen?” He replies, “Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.” The woman goes next [...]
Blonde Needs to Win the Lottery
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.” Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let [...]
Email Address and Tomatoes
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so [...]
First-Time Father Feeds the Baby
A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, “What in the world are you doing?” He replied, “I’m waiting for [...]
Condom on the Old Lady’s Organ
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he [...]
Drunk Woman Blows Chunks
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the [...]
Amazing Elephant Story
In 1986, Mike Mason was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mason approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s [...]
Husband Died of Gonerrhea?
When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.” Replied the widow, “Yes, [...]
Introductions on a Plane
A couple from Texas and a couple from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?” The east coast girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.” [...]
Hokey Pokey Creator Died Recently
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the life and death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part, for [...]
