Archive for July, 2010
Little Joe Wants a New Bicycle
For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it right now.” The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door [...]
The $1.00 Golf Resort
A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs [...]
Old Man Gets a New Friend
An older guy was somewhat lonely and decided he needed a pet to keep him company. So, off to the pet shop he went. He searched and searched but none of the pets seemed to catch his interest… except for this ugly frog. As he walked by the jar it was in, he looked and [...]
From Good to Bad to Worse
Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.Worse: Your 12-year old daughter “borrowed” it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.Worse: You’re in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active.Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son’s involved in Satanism.Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your [...]
Old Grandma Speaks in Coutroom
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. [...]
What Are You Selling in Here?
Two businessmen in NY City are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn’t ready only a few shelves are set up. One says to the other, “I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what [...]
Old Lady Denies Having Crabs
One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have crabs” She informed the doctor that it could not be crabs because she was an eighty-year old virgin. She went to another doctor and explained her problem [...]
Priest, Girl and That Son of a Bitch
A girl goes to confession. “Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.” “Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked. “Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission.” “Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm. “Yes Father.” “That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.” “But Father he [...]
Johnny’s Teacher Has a Wedgie
Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher [...]
Australian Court Case: The Pregnant Lady
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained [...]
