Archive for June, 2010
Grannies Guess an Old Man’s Age
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Jokes on June 4, 2010
Three mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
A grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There ain’t no way you can tell my age.”
One of the ornery grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers.
The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to turn around and jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, “You’re 84 years old!”
Confused, the old man asked, “How in the world did you guess?!?!”
The ornery old grandmas snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, “Because we were at your birthday party yesterday!”
$10,000 per Minute Phone Calls in Church
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Jokes on June 3, 2010
$10,000 per Minute Phone Calls
A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall, and was intrigued with a sign that read, “$10,000 per minute.”
Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God.
The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, and around the United States, he found more such phones, with the same sign, and the same explanation from each pastor.
Finally, the man arrived in the great state of Texas. Upon entering a church, behold: he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: “Calls: 25 cents”!? Fascinated, the man asked to speak with the pastor.
“Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could use it to talk to God…. But in 20 other churches, the cost was $10,000 per minute. Your sign says 25 cents per call. ….Why is that?”
The pastor, smiling benignly, replied: “Son, you’re in Texas now… and it’s a local call.”
Married Men Go Home to Married Wives
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Jokes on June 2, 2010
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house; I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!!”
His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, “WHO’S HORNY”…. ” and she acts like she is asleep every time.”
Meet Turner Brown
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Jokes on June 1, 2010
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: “What’s wrong with you?”
In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”
The big dude says: “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me….. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says: “Turner Brown?!…Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, ‘Turn around!’”
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