Archive for April, 2010
Popular Girls for MySpace (Apr 2010)
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 30, 2010
April 2010′s most popular Girls for MySpace list got DOMINATED by Sweet Devon and for good reason: She’s a Real Cutie!
Lacey White (and friends) on Girls for MySpace
Kelly (and friend) on Girls for MySpace
Kira and Jacklyn on Girls for MySpace
Two Old Ladies and a Statue
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 30, 2010
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, “Oh My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?”
The second old lady replied, “Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!”
Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, “…Yeah, and cold, too!”
Giving More Than 100%
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 29, 2010
Blakk Frogg wonders about a lot of things and today he decided to ask the following questions: “What Makes 100% and what does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?”
We have all had days where some moron from uper management announced in a meeting that he or she ‘needed every single one of us to give over 100%’.
So, then…. How about achieving 103%? Would that satisfy them? Hmmm…. What exactly DOES make up 100% in life and how exactly WOULD a person achieve MORE than that?
Thanks to the power of the Internet, Blakk Frogg discovered a mathematical formula that helps to answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%.
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%,
And
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%,
Now for the clincher: Look how far ass kissing will get you:
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% !
Using the above computations as a basis for a conclusion, it seems a mathematical certainty that Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there…. it’s all the Bullshit and Ass Kissing a person will have to do that will put them over the top.
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Pain Management at the Dentist’s Office
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 28, 2010
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.
The dentist pulled out a freezing needle to numb the area. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient shouted.
The dentist started to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objected. “I can’t do the gas thing! The thought of having a gas mask on is suffocating to me!”
The dentist then asked if the man had any objection to taking a pill. “No,” the patient said, “I am fine with pills.”
The dentist said, “Here is a Viagra tablet.”
The patient replied: “Wow! I didn’t know Viagra works as a pain pill!”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist, “but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”
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Three Little Pigs Done Italian Style?
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 27, 2010
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig’s house and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did !!!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig’s house and said, “Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.” So the stick Pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did !!!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig’s house and said, “Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!” So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they tied cement blocks around his feet threw his sorry ass into the creek then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! “Who the hell were those guys?” they asked.
“Those were my cousins… the Guinea Pigs.
Rooting Out Muslim Terrorists
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 26, 2010
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and he must commit suicide if he does….
So next Saturday at 3 PM, Eastern Standard Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think it’s okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women.
Also, since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side will show further proof of your anti-Muslim terrorist sentiment.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America.
It is your patriotic duty to pass this on.
Sinning on Sundays
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 25, 2010
Not one person out there believes that Blakk Frogg behaves himself one single day of the week — except his girlfriend. So with that in mind, let us finish off yet another glorious weekend with some Girls for MySpace. . . and quickly before the girlfriend gets here! lol.
Actually, though, this posting was her idea. Blakk Frogg can’t lie.
Get Some Girls for MySpace. . .
Get Some Girls for MySpace. . .
Get Some Girls for MySpace. . .
Get Some Girls for MySpace. . .
Get Some Girls for MySpace. . .
And so there you have it. Yet another installment of things all the prudes in the world wish Blakk Frogg would not post. Blame the bastards over at Girls for MySpace. They started it. . . I’M TELLING MOM!
Jose and Carlos Panhandling
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 25, 2010
Jose and Carlos are panhandling (begging) on the street. Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, “Look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.”
Carlos looks at Jose’s sign. It reads, “I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico.”
Legless Parrot and Cheating Wife
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 24, 2010
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, “Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?”
The parrot says, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.”
“Holy shit,” the guy replies. “You actually understood and answered me!”
“I got every word,” says the parrot.
Sarcastic Love Poems
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on April 23, 2010
The Washington Post had a contest, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem…except that the last line had to be as unromantic…. as the first line was romantic.
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was p*ssed.
5. I thought that I could love no other,
That is, until I met your brother.
Sarcastic MySpace Comments
if it ain’t sarcastic…. it SUCKS!
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you,
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “Go to hell.”
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
Sarcastic MySpace Comments
if it ain’t sarcastic…. it SUCKS!
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Zombie Killing Ain’t a Crime
