Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it’s that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

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Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren’t you glad you use it? Don’t you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey — you never know.

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going…

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can’t have just one.

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An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of Hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting Through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally Qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one Question. Their answer would determine which of them would get The job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference Room table.

The interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you Know of?’

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man Replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And now You sir?’ He asked the second man.

Hmm.! … Let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and You don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.

Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an Eye, that’s a very popular clich

A fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find
water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man
at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, “Do you have any water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.”

The Arab shouted, “Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an
overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water
first.”

“OK ,” said the old Jew, “it does not matter that you do not want to buy
a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am a bigger person.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. “Your brother
won’t let me in without a tie.”

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A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?”

“Well, yes, I actually did once.”

“And how did your husband look?”

“Angry, very angry.”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further.

“Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?”

“He was looking through the window at us!”

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A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get ‘it’ in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get ‘it’ all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”

“Hmmm… that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher.

“Would you mind if I had a look at it?”

So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!

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It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist’s daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.

The teacher said, I’ll bet these are flowers!? The girl replied, “How did you know?”

“Just a lucky guess,” she said.

Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.”

Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box’s corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine.

The boy said, “No.”

She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne.

The boy again said no.

Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.

He said happily, “A puppy!”

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Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

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A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves.

The first child stands and says, “My name is Mary Johnson.”

“Thank you, Mary”, says the teacher.

The second student says, “My name is Sam Smith.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

The third student says, “My name is Johnny Fuckhour.”

The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, “Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don’t believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is.”

So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class, and asks, “Do you have a Fuckhour in here?”

One boy stands in the back of the room and says, “Hell, no! We don’t even get a nap hour in here!”

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