Archive for December, 2009
New Mixed Drink for Her Man
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives [...]
Old Man Races a Ferrari on His Moped
A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO which costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over [...]
Real Wisdom From Cowboys
DON’T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON! If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. The quickest way [...]
King of the Jungle
Leo was a lion and wanted everyone to know he was King of the Jungle. So he went through the jungle reminding everyone just who he was. He came upon a monkey and asked him “Who is the greatest in the jungle?” The monkey, trembling in fear replied, “Why, you are Leo. You are the [...]
Wisdom From Country Folk
Never name a pig you plan to eat. Country fences oughta’ be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong. Americas Best MySpace Animal Comments Life ain’t about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It’s about how good you bounce. Keep skunks and gossipers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow [...]
You Know You’re in Texas When…
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . . You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . . You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . . You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . . You can make sun [...]
Man Kills Wild Dog in Georgia
When a man in Macon, Ga., came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, “Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.” The hero, [...]
Three Men and Three Deadly Sins
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.” The men left [...]
Old Man Gets a Hooker
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn’t have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he’s looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning, the old geezer [...]
US Oil Crisis Explained in Simple Terms
A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the United States, given the vast and expansive landscape from which we OUGHT to have no trouble getting the fossil fuel to meet our needs. Blakk Frogg figured out the problem and believe it or not, the answer won’t [...]
