A teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life?”

A little girl raised her hand and said, “All I want out of life is four little animals.”

The teacher asked, “Really, and what four little animals would that be?”

The little girl answered, “A Mink on my back, a Jaguar in the garage, a Tiger in the bed and, of course, I’ll need a Jackass to pay for it all.”

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor of a small town in Ireland.

One day he was walking down the high street, when he noticed a young lady from his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the young woman.

“Miss Fitzgerald”, he said sternly. “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?

“Sure”, she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar she began to weave back and forth.

The Reverend realizing that she’d had far too much to drink grabbed her arms to steady her. As he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around on the floor for a minute or two, the Reverend somehow wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist revealing she had no undies on.

The pub landlord looked over and said, “Aye, mate, we won’t have any of that sort carrying on in this here pub.”

The embarrassed reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But sir, ya don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fluff.”

The landlord nodded and said, “Oh well, if ye’re that far in lad, ya’ might just as well finish the job.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the Holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview. “I’m Gayle Payne from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a fuckin’ wall.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

There were five Houses of Worship in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.

Due to some seriously bad fires in the surrounding forests, each House of Worship found itself overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The METHODIST CHURCH got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But — The CATHOLIC CHURCH came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard about the JEWISH SYNAGOGUE, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called ‘circumcision’ and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.

Sarcastic MySpace Comments