Archive for June, 2009
B-B-B-Bondage?
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 30th, 2009
Some people shy away from things that have to do with bondage…. but your ass clicked the link. Guess that might make you…. a pervert? Right?
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Nah, not really. The majority of people that Blakk Frogg has met in his years on this planet have their fetishes, have their ’secret desires’, want something sexually they have not yet had, etc. He feels the sooner people realize that they have animal desires and learn to work with them and have FUN with them, the less likely those desires will creep up in their life at an inconvenient date and fuck up their life.
Now this does NOT mean Blakk Frogg condones reckelss sexual behavior. Nope. Not at all. It does mean that he believes a ton of people need to loosen up and stop trying to suppress the sexual natures and behaviors of others.
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As long as they keep their blinds closed, don’t make too much noise w/ the whips during their roleplay games, don’t fling used condoms out the windows, keep up the outward appearance of ‘normality’ when necessary or deemed appropriate by society, …… and everyone involved in their fun and games legally consented to the ‘fun’, well, Blakk Frogg says, “Party on, perverts! Just keep the goo factor to a minimum, OK?”
Difference ‘Tween Men & Women Explained
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 29th, 2009
For years people have asked Blakk Frogg for any easy-to-understand tutorial explaining the primary and most imporatant difference between men and women. Finally, after years of careful research and numerous failed attmepts, Blakk Frogg has, indeed, come up with an easy-to-understand guide explaining the differences between men and women…..
For those still confused, well, there’s no hope for you. Kill yourselves immediately.
Man’s Suspicious Fishing Trip
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on June 28th, 2009
A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at Everglades City, a town in Florida, with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh, AND Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
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The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, “Yes! Lot’s of Trout, some Red Fish, and a few Snook… But, honey, why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked?”
The wife replies “Oh, dear but I did pack them. They were in your tackle box.”
Bad Prank on Old Lady?
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on June 27th, 2009
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 92 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing, on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling really “spicy” so I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me!”
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard!
Are You: Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Funny Jokes, Humor, Jokes on June 26th, 2009
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide:
SCENARIO:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities and some seemingly unintelligible things about Jihad, raises the knife, and charges at you with the tenacity of a raging rhino.
You are carrying a Glock 40 handgun and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Below are your options, in no particular order:
“Fathers Only” Survivor Series
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 25th, 2009
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.
Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.
Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.
They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me”.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if … he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.
Cut Off by Dick in a Truck
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 24th, 2009
On my work to work this morning I got cut off by this dick in a truck…
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Yeah… definitely a giant dick in that truck. So, so rude. He’s lucky I didn’t develop road rage and castrate him!
Hope all well out there wherever the hell you live!
Dick in the Road
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 23rd, 2009
Back in grade school Blakk Frogg used to get in trouble all the time for acting like a fool in school… and for rhyming words like turds and birds.
He did not, however, get in trouble for saying things like, “You should have seen the size of the dick walking in the road this morning!”
Some people either have no life or lose drunken bar bets way too often. da’ blakk frogg joke blog takes no reponsibility for other bar patrons’ ridiculous claims after they drink their 7th beer, but it will make fun of them for days on end afterwards. Guaranteed.
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Guinness Beer and Steamed Clams — Love It!
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 22nd, 2009
Sorry, folks, but this
About This Life (w/ Funny Pictures)
Posted by Blakk Frogg in Humor on June 21st, 2009
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
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Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
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After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
