blakk frogg
Check out the cool gear
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      Americas Best What?

jokes, funny pics, & ... your mama!

Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!

  • Americas-Best.Com Main Page
  • Da' MySpace Comments Blog

    Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)

  • Americas Best Pictures Pages
  • Older MySpace Comments Pages
  • Americas Best MySpace Board

    Main Page

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  •       Blakk Frogg Wear?

    cool clothes & more from Frogg!

    Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!

    blakk frogg: sarcastic for life
    blakk frogg is sarcastic for life

    Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!

    Check out the cool gear
    at the
    Blakk Frogg Store

          Dedicated wife story?

    Life changing realization!

    A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears...

    "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times."

    "When I got fired, you were there to support me."

    "When my business failed, you were there."

    "When I got shot, you were by my side."

    "When we lost the house, you stayed right here."

    "When my health started failing, you were still by my side..."

    "You know what?"

    "What my dear?" she gently asked, smiling and leaning closer as her heart filled with warmth.

    "You're bad luck, get the frogg away from me."

    - from email

          Collection agencies rock?

    And roll over your self-esteem!

    Most people in this world get into debt at some point in their life. Many even get in over the heads and begin to sink like a big heavy thing dropped over the side of a building. What kind of big heavy thing? I don't know. Use your imagination.

    Anyways, as one makes serious attempts to pull themselves out of debt the last thing they want to hear is some needle-dick, Napoleon complex having dipshit in a telemarketing phonebank telling them they're not working hard enough, they're a disappointment and that they have somehow frogged up again.

    SOME of us, myself in particular, work like absolute slaves to pay back monies we borrowed and have EVERY GODDAMNED INTENTION of paying off our debts.

    For the past 8 months I've been paying out nearly 40% of my take-home pay... and surviving, almost literally at times, on tablescraps. How many collection agents out there could survive on a little over half of their normal income?

    Any who say they could do that with no problem either live at home with mommy and daddy or have some other source of income to support them; OR they're heartless bastards and do their jobs so well that they live high on the hog.

    To those falling into that last category, I've got one question for you: "What's it like rolling around in all that blood money?"

    In conclusion, motherfrogg you and your condescending tones when you deem it necessary to contact me about my account. Karma is motherfrogger. Beat on those doing the best they can and someday the boot will be on the other foot. Who knows... the boot may even be on MY foot when payback time comes 'round.

    I'll kick a goddamned 65-yard field goal with your sorry ass.

          Steven Wright was right?

    Of course he was, moron!

    One of my favorite comics, as I stated in an earlier edition of americas-best.com, was, and still is, a strange fellow named Steven Wright.

    Ever so simple and direct, his words speak volumes.

    Below are 20 of statements he's made. If you're anything like me, you'll really enjoy reading them.

  • Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.

  • The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

  • Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

  • I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said, "Implants?"

  • I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

  • I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

  • Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

  • I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

  • I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

  • The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

  • There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and butthead's.

  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  • Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.

  • I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

  • Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

  • Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

  • Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wisewords: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

    - from email

    Find more awesome Steven Wright stuff at his official website.
  • americas-best.com: another blakk frogg production
          Ninth... and people keep telling me you've got crabs?
    I see you itching over there! Go to the clinic you filthy little pervert!

    Yeah, I'm back at the keyboard and not the happiest of freaks this week. Or didn't the column on collection agencies give it away?

    Ahem... Lice and other parasites live off of host animals (sometimes human) and make the hosts' lives miserable. Do I really need to explain that one?

          Partying with Blakk Frogg is a dangerous activity?

    We Froggs like to rip shit up when we decide to cut loose!

    another Frogg Party casualty

    Not that getting retardedly drunk (or other things) is a good idea, but it happens. Deal with it, get over it, and most importantly, stop pestering me about it.

    This little fellow stopped by the crib recently. As you can see, he had a great time.

          Nearly the death of a blonde?

    No! Cleanse the gene pool! Let the lesser folks slip into oblivion!

    A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

    She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

    It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

    In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

    She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

    The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

    Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

    Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

    As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

    Thank God for heros.

    - from email

          Ever wonder why they put seatbelts on airplanes?

    This high-flying butthole is the main reason!

    high flying a$$hole

          Chili lover goes to Texas and gets flamed?

    A Maalox enema couldn't save this poor fellow!

    Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

    "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event:

    CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

    CHILI #2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI #3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.

    CHILI #4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

    CHILI #5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pissed me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

    CHILI #6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

    CHILI #7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

    FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    - from email

          Looking for a new place to meet some broads?

    Meet me on the broadwalk and we'll scoop some winners!

    meet me on the broadwalk

          What does the mysterious Blakk Frogg look like?

    I most certainly do NOT look like this guy!

    cute online chatroom guy

     

    - thanks for reading Volume Nine -