Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
blakk frogg's re-posting this might get him killed by women worldwide!
A is for Anal, which she became when she realized that you don't have a nesting syndrome. This also covers questions like "Do I look fat.." and anything beginning with, "Why do you always".
B is for Bitch. Nothing else needs be said.
C is for Cunt. See Bitch.
D is for Douche Bag. Hanging one in your bathroom is the female equivalent of pissing to mark territory. Take it, fill it with Gin and hang it by your TV chair.
E is for Estrogen. It does not mix well with testosterone. It has a tendency to dilute it and then complain when it's done its job. Another paper is being devoted to this particular topic.
F is for Fucking. Forbidden Use of Carnal Knowledge. You can Fuck, be Fucked, get Fucked and Fuck up. Something can be Fucking great or Fucking miserable. Example: She was a great Fuck! It was Fucking wonderful till I Fucked it up by getting Fucking married. Boy, was I Fucked then. F also stands for foreplay. Get in a 69 position and let her suck on your dick. This gives you an opportunity to examine her vagina and amuse yourself or see if you need an excuse to nibble on her fingers. See Vagina
G is for Gynecologist. Sure he can stick anything up there he wants, but let you pull out the candles, ice cubes and anal beads and all hell breaks loose.
H is for Hell. What she turned your life into and what broke loose when you pulled out the candles, ice cubes and anal beads.
I is for Indigo Girls. These dykes are responsible for women thinking their clitorises are actually dicks and that ovaries are a legitimate substitute for balls. Right.
J is for Jewelry. Sort of like tokens to pass through the tunnel.
K is for Kiss. An intoxicating transfer of pheromones designed to weaken your defenses and cause you to enter into a condition called "Being in Love".
L is for Love. Love is that strange phenomena that causes a man think that one piece of tail is somehow better than all the rest.
M is for Marriage. An institution where everything you ever had, have now and ever will have becomes hers.
N is for Nookie. Sure, it's the preferred choice, but really now, won't just about anything do in a pinch?
O is for Ovaries. Producers of estrogen. The cause of all your grief, but take em away and she grows a finer beard than you.
P is for Period. Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!
Q is for Quicky. Women love these especially during halftime shows, while they are putting on their make up, in elevators, while making dinner and changing babies.
R is for Rules. Women somehow seem to think that they make them. LOL
S is for Sex. Remember that? It's what you had before you got married or "involved in a relationship".
T is for Tits. Size doesn't matter. Shape does. Remember, that firm pair of A's with the nipples like pencil erasers are still going to look fine 20 years down the road. Those double DD's are going to be hanging lower that the waistband of her pink, spandex toreador pants.
U is for Underwear. See "The Panty Theory"; the first appearance of a girdle in the house marks the beginning of a long road downhill.
V is for Vagina. "Nothing can be finer than to be in a vagina in the morning.." Every girl's got one. The criterion for judging the beauty of the female genitalia is rather low. A small, high placed clitoris has less inner labia and thus, isn't as nasty looking and has less area for bacteria and potential yeast infection. The down side is that it doesn't get much stimulation during inter course so she may attempt to use her finger on it. If she has a nail on that finger, chew it off during *foreplay. A big clit has lots of extra skin and is fun to pull and make "funny faces" with.
W is for "Which?". "Which dress should I wear?", "Which shoes make me look fat?". You remember, those phrases that made you dump the bitch in the first place.
X is for X-Rated. None of the girls you normally meet will ever do any of the things you see in these movies. Live with it. However, they are available to rent for about $100 per hour. Before you disregard the option, take this simple test. Add up all the costs of being in a relationship. Put a $$$ amount on it. Cabs, dinner, movies, flowers, gifts, etc. Don't forget to charge for your own valuable time not getting laid or spent listening to stories about her relatives and every detail about the latest trip to the shoe store. This will produce a "Cost of Relationship" figure. Average out the quality of your sex life and give it a number value from 1 to 10 with 1 being sex with a corpse and 10 being the best fuck of your life. Add a 0 (zero) to the right of the number and a $ to the left. Multiply that by the number of times you got laid. This will give you a "Cost of Sex" figure. Subtract that figure (yes it will be lower) from the "Cost of Relationship" figure. Do the math. This final figure is what you could be using to have the best sex of your life, every time minus of course, the "Cost of Condoms" adjustment, should you decide to add the totals together and invest in a 'Hooker Fund".
Y is for Y, as in "Eat at the Y".
Z is for Zoo. A place where animals, meant to run free, are caged and denied their natural right to eat what they want, shit where they want, go where they want and fuck when and who they want. See Marriage.
Little Girl Gets Her First Paycheck?
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking sheet rock..."
Stories like this just bring a tear to your eye.
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- blakk frogg
- thanks for reading Volume 85 -