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Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Commentaries on reality?
Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for awhile ... it isn't so hot.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'
If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is---- it's you.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child ... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
If you remember the 60s, you weren't there.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
You read about all these terrorists, most of whom came here legally, but hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!
After six relatively friendly editions I decided you folks deserve some thing a bit more... impolite.
The gloves are coming off so yes, that's right, I'll be leaving fingerprints on your forehead this time.
The Seventh Edition is NOT for the timid or those for whom sexual humor, racial insensitivities and bathroom humor are considered taboo. Is that clear?
Don't make me stop this car and have to explain myself again!
Great billboards that the squares disapproved of?
proudly honoring USA's Northern Neighbors?
not much 'leg' room in these cars, eh?
innocent victims of Corvette drivers high on Viagra?
Santa owns a Corvette and runs over squirrels?
What YOU expect now is a penis pill ad, right?
I'm so sick of ads like this one piling up in my mailbox. Bold face type is the ad, the regular type is what goes through my mind as I read these things.
Dear Blakkfrogg-269U,
67% of women desire a "bigger" man...
maybe I should eat more!
From the Creator of [product name 1] comes [product name 2], the most powerful penis enlargement pill on the market!
I'm so tiny that I'll need TWO products to make me a man again?
GO BIG...
value meal terminology referring for my schlong!
SATISFY HER BETTER THAN ANY MAN CAN!!!
but a woman will STILL do it better, right?
OVER 120,000,000 CAPSULES SOLD!!!
at a guaranteed 3 inches per pill, that's 360,000,000 inches or 30 million feet of increased pecker length. Hmmm... I wonder how many miles of wiener that works out to be?
Do you want a larger and firmer penis? not in church, no Do you want to give your partner more pleasure? what will I get in return? Do you want to stay ROCK HARD longer? women just LOVE granite dildos! Our Revolutionary Pill Can Enlarge Your Penis Up to 3-FULL-INCHES. 100% GUARANTEED!
and HOW does one file a complaint if the product fails? before and after photos? signed affidavits from disappointed sex partners?
I can understand targeting males, but I work with a woman who gets ads like this one, minus the commentary, all the time. Oh, I get it. As a woman it would be doing her woefully inadequate male partner a favor by ordering these behind his back and slipping them into his beverages at dinner.
"Wow, honey. That dinner was fantastic and... hey! What's this? Your pot roast gave me a woodie!" exclaimed the astonished previously puny peckered man.
Enough is enough. Repeatedly making us guys feel like they aren't packing enough meat can't REALLY be all that successful a marketing campaign, can it? If so, then maybe it isn't the small peckers that are the problem. Maybe it's small minds.
I'm perfectly happy with my vienna sausage... when I can find it, that is. :-/
Why are you so warped?
While all the other kids were busy making fart jokes and taking turns grossing each other out by sticking pencils in their ears, butts and noses (in that exact order!) I was watching comics like Robin Williams, Steven Wright and George Carlin give their views on the world.
I became infatuated with their ability to see beyond the day-to-day bullshit existence that so many claim is the ONLY possible reality. I fell in love with their systematic ripping apart of all the mainstream society held dear.
To make a long story short, I became a very sarcastic son of a bitch. But, to my credit, at least I never went to the hospital with an earwax covered pencil that smelled like ass lodged in my nose.
Here's a few comments from Steven Wright to help you through the rest of the week:
History of big business?
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died. I'll give you your hundred dollars back."
Kenny replied, "I don't want the money back. I want the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
"I'm going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny. "What happened with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
Where did I learn to write like this and edit photos?
For the last time, people, stop telling me how great an artist and joke writer I am. The majority of this stuff comes from emails I get during the week. Yeah, sure, the commentary(ies) and Killer Columns are all Blakk Frogg originals, but the rest of these cyber gems have been pulled from my generally overflowing email box.
With that out of the way, tune in again next week for more frogg fun!