Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
blakk frogg helps you speak like a dedicated office drone!
1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Ex: I often find that blamestorming sessions take a lot less time when we pin the guilt on someone not present to defend themselves.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. Ex: You know, it's seagull managers like her that make me wanna' bring loaded weapons to work in the morning.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Ex: Steven used his powers of assmosis to weasel his way into the corner office despite not a f$#king thing all last quarter. I hate that guy!
4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Ex: Because no one got Holiday Bonuses this year, Mark has decided that we should change the term 'payday' to salmon day.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles. Ex: It took me three weeks to learn how to navigate my way through this cube farm when I started working here.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. Ex: The sound of Stephanie throwing a stapler at Jack's head because he kept staring at her cleavage caused quite a bit of prarie dogging.
7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Ex: Watching all that irritainment (see below for definition) has turned Tony into an absolute mouse potato... and loser in life.
8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Ex: Yuppie couples typically find themselves in sitcoms once they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. Ex: I have aften found that stress puppies make excellent scapegoats once the blamestorming begins.
10. SWIPEOUT : An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Ex: Excessive Holiday spending turned all the plastic in my wallet into total swipeouts.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. Ex: Ralph uses the xerox subsidies he gets from work to make signs for his home-based business.
12. IRRITAINMENT : Entertainment and media spectacles (often found online) that are annoy you to death and yet, strangely enough, you can't stop watching them. Ex: Three people got canned yesterday because they got caught reading the latest irritainment on one of Blakk Frogg's websites.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Ex: One might eel the need to perform percussive maintenance on their computer when the 'blue screen of death' pops up each time they try to print.
14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Ex: Steve's promotion into the adminisphere has clearly gone to his head 'cuz he seriously thinks people listen to what he says now. What a joke!
15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located. Ex: Pretty much everyone in the adminisphere must have a 404 stamped on their forehead if they really think anyone can understand this memo!
16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions. Ex: Land developers make a shitload of money building Walmarts, Taco Bells, titty bars and other tacky forms of generica in every community.
17. OHNO-SECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Ex: Thomas experienced the ohno-second of a lifetime when he realized he'd just sent a pornographic email to his boss.
18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks. Ex: The way things are going, I don't think any of the people in the adminisphere will ever break out of their sitcoms and become woofs.
19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm. Ex: Franklin spent the majority of the afternoon crop dusting the rest of us because of the bad burritos he ate for lunch. What a jerk!
Strange Watersports in Russia These Days?
Imagine a race in really cold, somewhat rough water where competitors have to hold on to an inflatable doll or get disqualified. Hmmm... The idea of a river filled with whackos clinging to inflatable sex toys turns Blakk Frogg's stomach.
Can it get worse? Of course it can! Read about the winner of the inflatable sex doll race who got disqualified because his doll had 'obvious signs of abuse' (aka: he had sex w/ his doll!).That , believe it or not, is against the rules!
Some Men Really Know How to Treat Their Wives With Respect?
For some reason Blakk Frogg has never really understood the idea of treating women badly. Lucky for some ladies who like the abuse, though, that the following three 'gentlemen' exist!
- thanks for reading Volume 59 -