Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
What can I wear?
Blakk Frogg suggests you stop buying brand names because your friends have them. Buy Blakk Frogg Designs instead and make THEM follow YOUR lead.
blakk frogg thinks it will get a him a better seat on the greyhound bus to Hell!
As usual you can expect to find good jokes, bad jokes, funny pictures, stupid pictures, relevant stories, ridiculous stories, idiotic news reports and other things you could find elsewhere... if you had nothing better to do with your time and could spend countless hours on the internet doing absolutely nothing useful.
Has Blakk Frogg Written About Recent News Events Again?
Every once in a while when Blakk Frogg gets in an 'off' mood he scans the Internet for stupid news events that beg for his sarcastic interpretation. See below for recent news re-writes!
Gunplay 101: Introduction to Self-Inflicted Injuries
In a not so wild west shootout (with himself) a 23 year old Wichita, Kansas man shot himself in the left testicle after his gun went off as he put it back in the waistband of his pants.
Upon getting shot in the groin, he twitched in pain, the gun went off again, and he placed another well-aimed round in his calf.
Once all the gunfire ceased and order returned to the land, the dumbass hobbled his ass down to the hospital where he and two friends (aged 18 and 20) received no the purple heart for heroism under fire, but rather some nice shiny silver bracelets from local police officers.
So... What prompted the man to have a gun out in the first place and why did the police reward these three with bracelets? Simple: Aggravated attempted kidnapping and conspiracy to obstruct justice. They had 'beef' with a teen over some stereo speakers.
final word from blakk frogg: Man with bad speakers, bad aim, and hole in testicles probably never get laid again... and blakk frogg finds himself eternally grateful for that.
Sometimes a protestor does something a little over the top and gets... arrested. Take, for example, a Democratic activist named Tom Connolly who faces a number of fun and exciting criminal charges after passing motorists spotted him atop a highway overpass dressed as Osama bin Laden (on Halloween)... with a (squirt) gun in his hand.
Good 'ole Tom now gets to hang out in a courtroom and answer to charges of terrorizing, reckless conduct, and criminal threatening. At a time when many in the United States feel 'threatened' by the World's Best Hide and Seek Player (Osama), pointing a (fake) gun at unarmed citizens in Portland, Maine unnerved a few folks and landed Tom's costumed ass in the slammer.
Tom's costume consisted of a white robe complete w/ Osama mask and a well-appointed fake arsenal which included a fake assault rifle, plastic dynamite sticks and, of course, some plastic grenades.
final word from blakk frogg: What better way to tie up the court's time, Tom, than by scaring the crap out of a population who has a long history of getting freaked out by things like... guns, bombs, terrorists, etc. Oh, and at 60 miles per hour, Tom, even if you had a sign that read 'ha ha! joke!' around your neck, passers by would have had seconds to focus on it and in all honesty, they probably would only see the gun and bombs, never read the sign, pull off immediately, get the hunting rifle out, and blow your idiotic head off.
Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, whom spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
Here are this year's winners:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion this is so outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place!
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than originally sought, because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time, by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven; onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich.
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
"It's the act of doing things for other people."
Then I heard these terms which reference the word
Then I became confused about the word "service ." This is not what I thought "service" meant.
So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
OK, folks, Blakk Frogg will now get up and go to lunch. Afterwards he will continue his work on a NEW project featuring Celebrity Glamour Girls.
Blakk Frogg intends to make 100's of high quality photos available for use on mypace and other networking sites w/in the next few weeks, so stay tuned!
Until next time, send me the money from your grandma's social security check. It's the right thing to do, damn it.
- blakk frogg
- thanks for reading Volume 56 -