Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Three little ducks?
Three little ducks go into a Bar....
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
- from a mallard's email!
Remains in space?
Leave it to humans to think of new and interesting ways to screw up a previously unsoiled region. Yep. Companies now offer to put your remains in space.
The thought of bodies and cannisters of human remains floating overhead for all eternity bothers blakk frogg.
Last thing blakk frogg wants is to take his space cruiser out a few decades from now and have to dodge corpses like they were potholes on the highways we have on Earth right now!
Don't let the guy suffer?
OK, this makes blakk frogg a tad bit pissed. A guy rapes and kills a 17-year old girl while high on PCP and booze, gets the death penalty, and people think it unethical to see him suffer during his execution?
Blakk Frogg hates to hear the word rape. Case closed. He has done a number of badd, badd things in his life, but never rape.
Did the victim suffer? Let's see... raped and murdered by a PCP-crazed drunk. Yep. She suffered.
Gee, folks, do you think we can find at least ONE killer on California's Death Row who wouldn't mind getting high on PCP, drinking some liquor, raping this degenerate, and then killing him for us?
Just an idea, folks, just an idea.
Should we start with some lovely drinking humor?
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens!" exclaimed the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the f$#k away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."
- from an intoxicated email!
Guaranteed weight loss plan for men of all sizes?
A guy calls a company that is offering a guaranteed five-day, ten-pound weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds as promised.
He calls the company and orders their five-day, twenty-pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me ." Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it's worth every muscle cramp and wheeze.
For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another twenty pounds as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the seven-day, fifty-pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."
- an email said that!
The real nature of a thing called marriage?
A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman, asking,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
- from a matrimonial email!
Hey! Isn't it time for a blonde joke?
Football FINALLY makes sense... A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!
- borrowed from a blonde email!
- thanks for reading Volume 48 -