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Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Thoughts for 2006?
Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism .
Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006: We know exactly where one cow with mad cow disease is located among the millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
- from email, pal!
People are like slinkies?
Some people are like Slinkies...
They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs!
- also from email, jerky!
Men can wash clothes?
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "Honey? What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
- from male-hater email!
Cellphone wallpapers?
Blakk Frogg wants to get in your pants... pocket. Download the image below to your hard drive and then visit mob storage to learn how you can upload images FOR FREE to your image-ready phones in minutes!
What to do when a silly bitch gets in your way?
The train was quite crowded, so the U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked,"Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I've spent the last 15 months trekking through the desert so as to keep my friends, family and country safe. I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word. He swiftly picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, ... you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
- from email, ya' stupid poodle!
Modern parents possibly rely too much on their kids' meds?
unless you're retarded, this came from dribble glass
Time to talk about woman's best friend: Aunt Flow?
Whether some women want to admit this or not, y'all can get a bit awnry when the monthly monster comes to town. Do you dispute Blakk Frogg's words? If so, then how do you explain the following two emails I received recently? Apparently Blakk Frogg's opinion resides in others' minds as well... and all of us can't be wrong 'cuz that's against the rules!
Part 1: "The Hormone Hostage"
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolateDANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
Share this little piece of wisdom with all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks... but chocolate sings.
Another thing to remember down the road: A husband, unhappy with and scared shitless by his wife's mood swings, bought her a mood ring so he could better monitor and watch out for her moods. When she found herself in a good mood her ring turned green and when in a bad mood it left a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy her diamonds -- or utter the magic words, "Here, honey. Have some chocolate!"
- paraphrased from a dead man's email!
unless you're retarded, this came from dribble glass
oh, and apparently blakk frogg DOES have a death wish!
Part 1: "A Letter for the Kotex Company"
Dear Kotex,
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch Of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products
Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries.
Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.
Printing out sh*t advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the sh*t in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.
The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including at the point of purchase.
So take your tips for living and shove them right up your a**. (Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!)
Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS
- also taken from a dead man's email!
How does pussy like to express itself?
