Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Licking in the loo?
"TWO women were caught romping in a train station toilet, a court heard yesterday." -- read the full article
Wow. Even more reason for horny folks to journey off to England! Free flowing lesbian lust spilling out onto the streets as far as the eye can see...
OK, all you freaks stop dialing your travel agent's number. One lesbian arrest does not mean all of England gets down with Deep V Diving.
Wait for the second public arrest and THEN call your travel agent!
Squirrel on your phone?
Blakk Frogg wants to get in your pants... pocket. Download the image below to your hard drive and then visit mob storage to learn how you can upload images FOR FREE to your image-ready phones in minutes!
Outrunning the NYPD soon to be a thing of the past?
All you thugs, wise guys, thieves, shady characters and otherwise illegal motherfroggers in Southeastern New York had best read this article before attempting to outrun the NYPD!
You read that right, soon the boys in blue will have shiny new 2006 Dodge Chargers at their disposal.
To quote an NYPD representative, "The car that does 110 mph doesn't do it anymore." Clearly a machine capable of sustaining 150 mph lap speeds will solve this problem. Go Speed Racer! Go!
Blakk Frogg ran from the police during a snowstorm many years ago and eventually got caught by a small armada of Caprice Classics. Boooooo-ooooring.
Now some fleeing felons will have the opportunity to say, "Wow! I'm getting pulled over by a really cool car!"
That makes Blakk Frogg jealous. Nah, not really. He feels just fine these days w/o all the annoying traffic tickets and handcuff marks on his wrists.
- car picture from Yahoo News Article!
Do you find yourself growing more tired every single day?
If you feel like Blakk Frogg does each morning, you, too feel like someone has sucked all the life out of you and left you to waste away in the hot desert sun. For at least a couple years now he blamed it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, low blood sugar, too much sex, or anything else he could think of.
Not anymore, though! Blakk Frogg recently discovered the real reason: He's tired because he's overworked.
Here's why:
- The population of this country is 273 million.
- 140 million are retired.
- That leaves 133 million to do the work.
- There are 85 million in school.
- Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
- Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
- Leaving 19 million to do the work.
- 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing terrorists.
- Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
- Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
- And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
- At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
- Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
- Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
- That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and Blakk Frogg.
And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice, real nice.
Blakk Frogg hates you.
- paraphrased from a lazy man's email!
Who deserves more respect than these folks?
unless you're retarded, this came from dribble glass
Australian definition of a true, good friend?
Are you tired of all those namby, pamby, girly, sissy, completely wet "friendship" poems, that never come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you
3. When you smile - I will know you've finally got laid
4. When you are scared - I will tease the crap out of you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to stop your bloody whining.
6 . When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again, don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
Copy all this bloody text into an email and send it to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway 'cuz he or she's a damn wanker.
- excreted from an email!
Cheap shot at sensationalist disaster loving news crews?
unless you're retarded, this came from dribble glass
Final words from Blakk frogg this time?
All this lame talk about nice girls finishing last reminds me of all the lame bulletins I've read about nice guys finishing last. Why do all the alleged 'nice' people out there from both genders think we want to hear them bitch about how they got screwed over? No one wants to hear that crap. Seriously. No one.
If a person can identify the problems well enough to WHINE about them at length and/or repeatedly in an email, in a blog, or somewhere on myspace, then they also typically have the ability to DO something about them in real life. Sounds stupid, but I really do believe that.
Need a few quick and sarcastic pointers which can help solve issues associated with "nice guys/girls finishing last"? No problem. Glad to help.
1) Learn from your previous stupid mistakes and figure out ways to STOP REPEATING THEM. An old addage reads, "Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice? Shame on me." For those not smart enough to see the relevance of that saying, substitute the phrase 'frogg me over' or 'cheat on me' for the word 'trick' and it should make a lot more sense to you. Might bring back some really unpleasant memories, too. Enjoy!
2) Stop making excuses for people that frogg you over, shit on you, lie to you, steal from you, or bang your fiance on the eve of your wedding. "Oh, well they didn't mean to hurt me...." Right! While they took what they wanted you can BET YOUR ASS they did not give a single passing thought to how their actions would affect you. To think otherwise means they knew the consequences of their actions and basically said, "Who fucking cares if it hurts them? They'll forgive me for this offense just like they did the last one." Hmmm.... See Rule #1 about that. Oh, and real quickly again about making excuses for people, let THEM, the offending parties, grovel at your feet afterwards and come up with the excuses. Don't do their work for them and then, once they complete their web of crap which they feel confident you will accept as truth, say, "Thank you for your kind words, but no, I don't believe you. You're a dick/a$$hole/bitch." Walk away.... Or smash them in the reproductive organs with a station wagon. The choice is yours.
3) Try not to settle for less than what you really want. Once a lot of people see that you will gladly and readily compromise on the things you want and need they will assume you will ALWAYS settle for less and therefore feel they have the natural right to not take your requests as seriously as you would like them to.
4) Before you whine in a public arena again, remember that people like ME exist and we will gladly poke fun at you for whining. Nice people do not finish last. Whiners do.
Now that I have annoyed a bunch of people with this little rant I can get back to work. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if I have offended you, too fucking bad. It means you have gotten no closer to getting over your "I'm destined to finish last because I'm nice complex". Seek professional help and stop annoying the rest of the world with your insecurities. Also, pick me up a 12-pack of Corona, you spineless wimp. And don't forget the limes this time!
- another blakk frogg original!