Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Frogg loves this chick?
A man walked into a tavern and sat next to a very attractive, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.? "Hi there, Good Looking.? How's it going?" he asked.
The woman looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter...I've been doing it ever since I got out of college, and I just love it!"
"No kidding?," said the man, "I'm a lawyer too!? What firm are you with?"
No more Blackberry?
"NEW YORK (Reuters) - Life without a "Blackberry?" Hard-core users of the wireless portable e-mail devices are shuddering to think about a possible future without the gadgets they love, hate and aren't sure they can live without."
OK, folks, this got under Blakk Frogg's skin. People fear losing their Blackberry devices due to a patent suit and are flipping out. Um, hello? Blakk Frogg suggests they GET A LIFE!
- read the full article!
How shit really happens?
In the Beginning was The Plan.
Then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form and The Plan was without Substance.
Darkness was upon the faces of the Marine.
And the Marine went unto their Sergeants and said:
"This is a crock of shit and it stinks."
And the Sergeants went unto their First Sgt saying:
"It is a pail of dung and we can't live with the smell."
And the First Sgt went unto their Lieutenants saying:
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide it."
And the Lieutenants went unto their Captains saying:
"It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength."
And the Captains went unto the Majors saying:
"It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."
And the Majors went unto the Colonels saying:
"It promotes growth and it is very powerful."
And the Colonels went unto the CG and said:
"This new Plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the Forces with very powerful effects."
And the CG Commander looked upon The Plan and saw that it was good.
And The Plan became Policy.
And this, my friends, is how Sh#t Happens ..........
Will Blakk Frogg use this space for a crude sexual joke?
More useless knowledge for you to absorb?
1) In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
2) As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
3) In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."
4) Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."
5) Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman . as in "straight laced". . wore a tightly tied lace.
7) Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."
8) Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."
9) At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."
- ripped from an email!
Public service anti-drug message from Blakk Frogg?
Looking for a really good reason to become Jewish?
Becky, who belonged to a synagogue group devoted to visiting and helping the sick members of her congregation, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it a gas station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her the only gas can he owned had been loaned out but she could wait until it was returned.
Since Becky was on the way to see another patient and behind schedule, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she always had handy for needy patients. Always resourceful she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car which was decorated with many Hebrew decals and bumper stickers.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Jewish."
- acquired from a less than holy email!
- thanks for reading Volume 44 -