Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Froggiest shirt in town?
Stop the madness! All them other frogs can't hold a candle to the raw power of the original Frogg Gear.
How did they fall in love?
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been SO incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replied... You just happened to catch my eye."
- wretched joke came from email
Don't go blaming me for this list, ladies. I received it in an email and placed it here for your amusement. Enjoy the list and please let Blakk Frogg live! Here goes...
Thank the medical community for these recent breakthroughs in prescription drugs, specially tailored just for women:
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers/teenagers unconscious for up to two days.
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
When taken with Pepto Bimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
- from email. blame them!
Did Blakk Frogg get a new car yet?
that all depends upon what you call "new", ya' silly bitches!
For years Blakk Frogg dreamed of the day he would roll down the street in his car while all the girlie Froggs turned their heads screaming, "Holy fucking shit! That's the dopest, most pimped out fucking super hot car in the world!"
That day has finally arrived. Behold! Blakk Frogg's fresh new ride! (not really.)
What happened to Blakk Frogg's shiny red bike?
A little over a year and a half ago some dipshit spoiled brat rich kids from a neighboring development ran through our apartment complex popping car tires and generally fucking up people's vehicles. In total they slashed between 25 to 35 car tires during their adolescent rampage... and popped one 1999 BMW F650 motorcycle tire which belonged to Blakk Frogg. They also stabbed the front fender with a pocket knife and ripped off the windshield. They did other damage as well, but at this point, who's counting anymore?
To the dickheads living behind Foxwoods Apartment complex in Clifton Park, New York who thought it would be fun to ruin a lot of people's mornings...
"Eat shit and die you worthless a$$holes. Your fathers should have pulled out early and spewed you all over the backseat instead of knocking up your mothers!"
Blakk Frogg hates to say things like that about people he does not know, but if their actions on that night reflect even slightly upon the nature of their personalities and moral fiber, he has no reason or desire to EVER know them.
What happened to Blakk Frogg's shiny red bike (part 2)?
Recent events in Blakk Frogg's life created a slight surplus in cash which allowed him to drop his bike off at BMW Motorcycles of Charlotte for all the necessary bodywork and some much needed mechanical work a few weeks back.
Blakk Frogg got his shiny red BMW F650 out of the shop on the afternoon of Saturday, September 17th, 2005. Talk about a shit-eating grin on his face. The feeling of twisting the throttle and heading down the road made him feel like a tadpole all over again.
Some things ought to remain unsaid? And forgotten?
Yeah, so once agin the rule of "If I had to read this mess, so do you!" applies and I shall enforce that rule now. Most of the puns listed below made me wanna' die soooo bad that it took three orderlies to take the razor away from my wrist. So enjoy!
So by now most of you want to kill me for poisoning your minds with that list of puns 99% of the world wishes would disappear. Good. That means you suffered as much as I did while reading the list.
So glad I could help. Have a nice day.
- thanks for reading Volume 36 -