So what would you like to have for dinner, dear?
At times like this you could ONLY want pasta!
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. Honey, she said, "You received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said.
The wife agreed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
- from email
But this story tells the truth!
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON!" She jumped up and down and huggedeach of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!!!
- from email
Want to see some of the nifty pictures from email?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Please, oh oh please... Show me the special pictures!
- from email
- from email, but originally posted on watchersweb.com
What ever happened to our favorite Disney characters?
The answers will shock, tickle, wiggle and please!
Someone once asked me if I thought Disney characters retired in style and had plenty of cash to throw around in strip clubs. Well, thanks to a recent email I received, we have the answer:
Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes because Minnie said "No" for 50 years.
Served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavilion.
Caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE:
Involved in an underground pornography ring.
CHIP & DALE:
Extracted from Richard Gere's colon.
Fell for the "apple trick" again.
Died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
Killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
Was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under bridges and eating out of used cat food cans.
Never woke up.
Now a stripper with the Chippendales.
Shot down over Iraqui airspace.
Male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
WINNIE THE POOH:
Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
Gunned down in a mafia hit.
Died of an aneurism while watching over his garden.
Accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
- from email
This week in review?
This where I talk about me!
Work: Doing traffic reports for some of the dayjob clients and tweaking their Pay-Per-Click advertising campaigns. I like doing stuff like that. I see the work as more of a game than anything else. Hey, clients say they like the results they have gotten so I guess I'm winning.
Social Life: None. Working my ass off on web projects (as usual). For some reason bills keep shopwing up every month so each month I keep making money to pay them. Wow. What fun!
Romance: In a nutshell, I need to get laid. Victoria (for those just joining us, Victoria is my girlfriend) works crazy hours and so do I... it follows that we hardly ever see each other. Sucks, but oh well. They say time between intimate encounters makes them more sensual than if you bang all the time. Personally, I think people saying that have not lost their virginity -- and probably never will!