Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Happy Holidays?
There's something to be said for people who like the Holiday Season. I say they are stupid.
I see no reason to enjoy the added stress of traffic, money issues, rude store clerks, sale crazed lunatics in the aisle of your favoriet store, bratty cellphone happy teens in the malls...
Don't get me wrong. Thew original idea of the Holiday Season still holds merit in my mind. The notion of peace and goodwill towards your fellow man/woman makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.
So this year I plan on sitting in my apartment until the Season has passed so as to escape all the bad things that make the Holiday Season what it is these days. If you need me for any reason... Beer in the fridge, beer in my hand.
Happy Froggin' Holidays.
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the frogg were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree.
As if you hadn't frogged me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house.
Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll frogg you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike.
FROGG YOU SANTA.
Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
- from email
Blakk Frogg crapped in the fruit punch?
The age old tradition of spiking the punch at the office party shall never die. Why? Because everyone KNOWS they'd like to see the office prude let loose and strip on a desktop. Let those sexually repressed hooters fly freely in the office air.
That accounts for just one of the many fun events that a little liquor in the communal cup can create. Another possibility lurks around the corner, though... Faxing one's butt to the affiliate office across town. Rarely does this happen any other time than at the Holiday Party. All it takes is a few cups of the hell juice to get the trousers down and the fax machine fired up.
Betty Crocker knows how to make sweet love, too?
HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm bananaDirections:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
- from email