blakk frogg
Check out the cool gear
at the
Blakk Frogg Store

      Americas Best What?

jokes, funny pics, & ... your mama!

Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!

  • Americas-Best.Com Main Page
  • Da' MySpace Comments Blog

    Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)

  • Americas Best Pictures Pages
  • Older MySpace Comments Pages
  • Americas Best MySpace Board

    Main Page

  • Volume 103
  • Volume 102
  • Volume 101
  • Volume 100
  • Volume 99
  • Volume 98
  • Volume 97
  • Volume 96
  • Volume 95
  • Volume 94
  • Volume 93
  • Volume 92
  • Volume 91
  • Volume 90
  • Volume 89
  • Volume 88
  • Volume 87
  • Volume 86
  • Volume 85
  • Volume 84
  • Volume 83
  • Volume 82
  • Volume 81
  • Volume 80
  • Volume 79
  • Volume 78
  • Volume 77
  • Volume 76
  • Volume 75
  • Volume 74
  • Volume 73
  • Volume 72
  • Volume 71
  • Pictures Page

  • Volume 70
  • Volume 69
  • Volume 68
  • Volume 67
  • Volume 66
  • Volume 65
  • Volume 64
  • Volume 63
  • Volume 62
  • Volume 61
  • Volume 60
  • Volume 59
  • Volume 58
  • Volume 57
  • Volume 56
  • Volume 55
  • Volume 54
  • Volume 53
  • Volume 52
  • Volume 51
  • Volume 50
  • Volume 49
  • Volume 48
  • Volume 47
  • Volume 46
  • Volume 45
  • Volume 44
  • Volume 43
  • Volume 42
  • Volume 41
  • Volume 40
  • Volume 39
  • Volume 38
  • Volume 37
  • Volume 36
  • Myspace Codes

  • Volume 35
  • Volume 34
  • Volume 33
  • Volume 32
  • Volume 31
  • Volume 30
  • Volume 29
  • Volume 28
  • Volume 27
  • Volume 26
  • Volume 25
  • Volume 24
  • Volume 23
  • Volume 22
  • Volume 21
  • Volume 20
  • Volume 19
  • Volume 18
  • Volume 17
  • Volume 16
  • Volume 15
  • Volume 14
  • Volume 13
  • Volume 12
  • Volume 11
  • Volume 10
  • Volume 9
  • Volume 8
  • Volume 7
  • Volume 6
  • Volume 5
  • Volume 4
  • Volume 3
  • Volume 2
  • Volume 1
  •       Blakk Frogg Wear?

    cool clothes & more from Frogg!

    Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!

    blakk frogg: sarcastic for life
    blakk frogg is sarcastic for life

    Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!

    Check out the cool gear
    at the
    Blakk Frogg Store

  • americas-best.com: another blakk frogg production
          Have you read the official "Man's Dictionary" yet?
    This email had me in tears, I tell you! Big wet salty tears!

    Before any of you politically correct holier-than-thou pains in my ass tell me how sexist and offensive this next piece is, I am posting this but I did NOT create it myself. Next I want you to read the following statements out loud:

    1. I am a moron who needs to view the world through my own anal retentive eyes and am a fool for doing so.

    2. Things that offend me are probably harmless and I really ought to invest in a tool designed to pull my head out from the ground. Afterall, only ostriches think they can hide from the world by burying their head and I'm not some stupid fucking bird.... Or am I?

    3. Censorship is my life and for that reason, and that reason alone, no one listens to my self-righteous bullshit.

    Well, with that out of the way, on with the show. I now present you with an email I received last week. You're going to love it.

    Or else you can join a flock ostrich for all I care.

    let the games begin! yee-fucking-haa!


    Angry Dragon

         Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

    Arabian Goggles

         A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the frogg else is new.

    The Bait N' Tackle

         The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and frogg away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!

    Ballsacking

         Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.

    Bear Claw

         A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.

    Beef Curtain

         The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.

    Beer Dick

         This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to frogg anything with 2 tits and a pussy while experiencing beer dick.

    Blumpy

         You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.

    The Bronco

         You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.

    Brown Bagging It

         Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and frogg away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.

    Brown Necktie

         You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie frogg her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.

    Brunski

         When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)

    The Bullwinkle

         The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)

    Butter Face

         When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.

    The Canine Special

         Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!

    The Carpet Cleaner

         While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.

    The Chili Dog

         When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty frogg her.

    Chocolate Pizza

         Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.

    Cleveland Steamer

         The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.

    Cock-Stuffing

         Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!

    Cold Lunch

         The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio.

    The Concoction

         First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.

    The Compton Gangbang

         You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to frogg around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)

    Cop's Delight

         The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.

    The Corkscrew

         Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.

    Corn

         Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!"

    Couch Bombing

         When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to frogg the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first

    Coyote

         This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

    Cum Dumpster

         A quadriplegic whore.

    Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch

         The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

    Daisy Chain

         Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.

    Davey Crockett

         A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.

    Dirty Sanchez

         A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her a$$hole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

    Dirty Swirly

         While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it.

    Dog In A Bathtub

         This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

    Donkey Punch

         Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

    Duct Tape Trick

         Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely frogg it without the danger of a messy split.

    Dutch Oven

         Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).

    Dutch Treat

         The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.

    DVDA

         The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.

    The Electric Chair

         Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofrogged. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed.

    Felching

         A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag froggs another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw...

    The Fish Eye

         From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that.

    Fish-Hook

         When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.

    The Fire Island

         This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.

    Flaming Amazon

         This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

    Flooding The Cave

         Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.

    The Flying Camel

         A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.

    The Flying Dutchman

         This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.

    The Fountain Of You

         While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)

    Fur Ball

         When you're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, and a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.

    Gobstopper

         With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the a$$hole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.

    Golden Shower

         Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports.

    Greek

         The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad"

    Ham And Cheese Sandwich

         Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite.

    Hershey Highway

         When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube.

    High Dive

         The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.

    The Hindenburg

         When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.

    Hogging

         While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.

    Hole In One

         The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo.

    Hotdog In A Hallway

         When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick.

    Hot Karl

         The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.

    Hot Karl Candy Cane

         A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.

    Hot Lunch

         The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.

    Hummer

         The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.

    The Hunter Gatherer

         You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.

    The Indian Cock Burn

         While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.

    The Jedi Mind Trick

         When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".

    The Jelly Donut

         Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.

    The Juanita Special Bean Dip

         While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.

    Kennebunkport Surprise

         The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.

    Kick-Frogging

         The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.

    The Landshark

         The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.

    The Lorena Bobbit

         Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)

    The Menthol

         The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.

    The Mellon Dive

         Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun.

    Monkey Wrench

         When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.

    Monroe Transfer

         When you and your partner connect each other's a$$holes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.

    The Moped

         A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.

    The Mork

         Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)

    Moses

         A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.

    The Motorboat

         While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.

    Muff Teaser

         Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.

    The Mung

         Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.

    Mushy Biscuit

         This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.

    New Jersey Meat-Hook

         The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.

    New York Style Taco

         Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.

    The Nixon

         A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.

    Oyster

         A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.

    Pasadena Mudslide

         This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)

    Pattycake

         While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.

    Paying The Rent

         A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.

    Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich

         Sh#t on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)

    Pearl Necklace

         Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Frogg that diamonds are forever shit.

    The Pig Roast

         While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.

    Pink Glove

         Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.

    The Pirate's Treasure

         While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.

    Plating

         Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.

    The Popcorn Trick

         First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?

    Puerto Rican Fog Bank

         While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.

    Purple Mushroom

         This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.

    Queef

         A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.

    The Ram

         When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.

    Rear Admiral

         An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips

    Red Wings

         Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!

    Resuscitation

         When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.

    The Roddy Piper

         When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.

    The Rodeo

         Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!

    The Rose Creeper

         Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-frogg her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.

    The Rusty Trombone

         This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.

    Sandbag

         Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.

    The Screwnicorn

         When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

    The Seatbelt

         While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.

    Shirley Temple

         Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.

    The Shocker

         When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)

    Shop Vac

         When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.

    Shrimping

         The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.

    Skiing

         While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.

    Slumpbuster

         When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.

    Snerd Nurgling

         The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...

    Snoodling

         When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!"

    Snowball

         Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

    The Snuff

         Lovingly frogg the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.

    Stranger

         Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

    Stranger On The Rocks

         Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.

    Strangers In The Night

         When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.

    Stingy Nut

         When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.

    Sud N' Fud

         When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't frogg on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop a$$hole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to frogg that instead.

    Surfing

         This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.

    Swimmer's Ear

         When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.

    Tea Bag

         To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of frogged up yoga exercise.

    3-Eyed Turtle

         Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.

    The Tortoise

         When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.

    Tossing Salad

         A common prison act where one person basically chows a$$hole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)

    Tropical Wind

         When getting your a$$hole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.

    Tuna Melt

         You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.

    Twisted Sister

         Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun.

    Vegetarian Hot Lunch

         A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.

    Wake Up Call

         Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry frogg her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"

    The Walrus

         After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.

    Western Grip

         When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.

    Westside Glaze

         Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.

    The Woody Woodpecker

         When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.

    The Zombie Mask

         While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

     

    - thanks for reading Volume Fourteen -