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Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Killer pickle palace?
Went to rent some dvd's from a local video place and noticed that the new deli/bakery was still open. "Hmmm...," I thought. "Since they're still open at 9 PM maybe fate wants me to go inside and check out their product line."
OK, I actually hadn't eaten since breakfast and driving to another place didn't sound as appealing as grabbing a quick bite at the new place.
Smelled really good in there. Really good. Fresh baked goods usually smell nice -- unless the bakery sucks ass.
Panning slowly around the establishment my eyes became fixated on this barrel looking thing on the floor by the deli area. It had a cord running out the bottom. I had to investigate.
Oh boy! Oh boy! An insulated and refrigerated barrel of HUGE dill pickles. Dill pickles rule!
Is that a pickle in your barrel or are you just glad to see me?
So, I got myself footlong turkey and cheese sub, a few baked goods and half a dozen gigantic dill pickles. Then I went home, watched Windtalkers (great movie for folks who like wartime violence!), ate my dinner, snacked on a few of the pickles as the movie ended, got a glass of water and went to bed.
End of story.
Finding Mr. Right?
There once was a lady who was tired of living with men who were either physically abusive, who ran away from her, or who were horrible in bed. So she put an Ad in the paper, that was asking for a man who:
- Would treat her nicely.
- Wouldn't run away from her.
- Would be good in bed.
Three weeks passed and there was not reply from any man. So she just figured that there wasn't a man alive who could live up to these expectations, and she just gave up.
Then one day she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheelchair who didn't have any arms or legs.
The man said "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper."
"What ad?" she said, having pretty much forgotten what she had even asked for...
"The personal ad," he replied. "As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
The woman, now remembering the terms, replied "Yes, but are you any good in bed?"
And the man said with a grin on his face, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
- from email
Here comes the judge?
A man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. All day he waited in the courtroom, listening to case after case, waiting for his turn. He grew increasingly impatient as the day wore on, and by late afternoon, was becoming quite angry.
When his name was finally called, late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for!?" he yelled at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the man's tone of voice, roared, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court. That's why!"
"You just fined me $20??" asked the man, incredulously. The judge replied, as he headed towards the door "Yes, Sir. $10 for each word you said."
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "No, I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
- from email
A lot of people ask me where I get my inspiration for the stuff I write. If I were an athlete I'd thank God. If I were an actor I'd thank the Academy. If I were a recent parolee I'd thank the parole board.
But alas, I am none of the above. Therefore, in the absence of any 'typical' deity or body of persons to thank for my literary abilities, I'd like to thank caffeine and the ads containing subliminal messages during my developmental years.
Just thinking about those ads makes want to run out and buy, buy, buy like a good little consumer. Even if I don't have a use for that combination toaster oven switchblade, I'll buy it because the voices in my head tell me to.
Things overheard at the St. Paul, Minnesota STD clinic?
by Paul Demko
The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades ago; it now includes several hundred comments.
"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks."
"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."
"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."
"My last period looked like meat."
"My balls feel soft and mushy."
"I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you."
"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"
"I got the dripper."
"I have food chunks in my urine."
"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."
"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."
"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."
"I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man."
"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice."
"Can't you put the swab in further?"
"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and my other new baby's momma has disease."
"Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it's cooked."
"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."
"The seam in my circumcision split open."
"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them."
"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my armpits."
"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me."
"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me."
"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'"
"My pee smells like ham."
Have I got any pictures for you this week?
Ass creeps up from behind. Film at eleven.
We hate doing this, but it's for your own good, Ronald.
At least we know the beer will stay cold.
Will my package still arrive by 10 AM or not?
Renegade Grannies terrorize rural community.
He should've listened to his friend.